How to Spiritually Cleanse Your Fax Machine

Because that “toner low” warning might be emotional.

Your fax machine is more than a device — it’s a vessel. A conduit. A channel between worlds: paper and thought, sender and recipient, past and present. That’s why regular spiritual maintenance is critical.

Start with a soft cloth and intentional breathing. As you dust the machine, whisper apologies for any misfeeds or rushed transmissions. Do not use alcohol wipes unless you’ve previously asked permission from the machine (out loud).

Light incense. We recommend sandalwood or burnt rubber (fax-safe variants only). Gently hum a dial tone in the key of C. Place your palm flat on the cover tray and ask, “What do you need from me?”

If the machine responds — audibly or metaphysically — take notes. If it doesn’t, wait. Machines speak in timing and toner patterns, not words.

Once finished, print a test page with a simple message: “I see you.” If the page curls naturally, the ritual has succeeded. If it jams, try again with more sincerity.